Self-love is important but some of us depend on others to bring us the love we need. If it fails, we might look for it in the arms of another, or want to appease the pain with substances and in materialistic pursuits that provide temporary satisfaction. But what is truly needed is Self-love which must come from you. Self-love is you learning to see your worth. It’s you acknowledging that as you are, there is something unique and great about you. Self-love has taken me some time to embrace. I still have moments where I have to remind myself how important it is to cherish me. To see my value. And once I do, I am comforted. Self-love is truly breaking up with your insecurities. It’s calling it out and admonishing it for not reflecting the truth of who you are.
As a child, you appeared to overwhelm me. I’m the tallest girl in class. In elementary school, I slouch on line, bending a knee in an attempt to lower myself, to appear shorter. I look at my nose and wish I can shrink it. In highschool, I tell myself the reason why I’m not dating is because I’m not fun enough. There are those who want to be around me and with me but I’m oblivious to the reality because I lived in my fiction. I cling to you. I listen and don’t question when you say: Not fun enough. Not pretty enough. Not understood.
Now in my twenties, you enter when I want to write. When I get up to speak. When I think about my goals. You say I don’t know enough. You say I’m not good enough. You’re there when I date. In university, I remember being in his white car. Smiling as he recites me poetry he wrote about someone else. He moves closer to me and places his lips on mine. I welcome his lips and embrace though it disappoints me. He walks away and I seek him to become disappointed again. You said he will erase the loneliness so I closed my eyes and let you guide me.
But I’ve opened my eyes to my truth. I stand tall. I see the beauty of my features. I reflect on my love of books. The joy I derive from reading. The comfort that comes in writing. This makes me proud. I’m proud to know I have a passion that fills me deeply. I think about the kind words that past teachers have left in my notes “You have a powerful voice.” I think about words that friends said “You’re inspiring.” I think about my parents, my siblings, friendships and my God. I’m loved. I’m smart. I’m fun. I’m beautiful. The truth is I am worthy and deserving of what is authentic and all that is good in life. I’m worthy and deserving of people that truly love and care for me. I surround myself with people that matter to me. That means I’m letting you go.
Write a letter to your insecurities, to break free from it, what would you say?